New Divide
by Lilly Monroe
Summary: Break the cycle, break the addict. Back together yet again, will history repeat as Jasper & Bella are forced to deal with something that neither of them ever expected, something way bigger than either of them? Or would this destroy them completely? AH
1. Leave Out All The Rest

**AN: Well my loves, I am FINALLY back! I know it's been months, but my addicts & I are now on the same page and we've come back to play! **

**They've missed you...I have missed you...so get to enjoying!**

**To my girls who have supported me all this time, thank you for everything! I wouldn't have done it without you!**

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**Chapter One: Leave Out all The Rest**

**I'm strong on the surface**

**Not all the way through**

**I've never been perfect**

**But neither have you  
So if you're asking me  
I want you to know  
When my time comes  
Forget the wrong that I've done  
Help me leave behind some  
Reasons to be missed  
**

**Bella**

The noises coming from the down the hall was annoying as fucking hell, especially with the massive headache I was sporting.

But they were also cute as shit so the small smile that graced my lips didn't surprise me all that much.

Such a fucking foreign concept, smiling.

Tossing the remote beside me I brought my knees up to chest and just waited.

I knew it wouldn't be that much longer now.

Two minutes to be exact.

"Still not feeling good?"

Such a simple question and yet, as soon as he sat beside me, I felt my fucking heart speed up like some love struck teenager.

"I'll be fine, you know these fucking things come and go."

Smirking he reached forward and brushed some hair out of my face. "Still doesn't mean I won't worry about you."

My smile, if possible, grew a little bit bigger. I still wasn't use to all these words and actions of fucking endearment. Even after all this time.

"Well you're here with me so I'll be better soon."

Leaning in he brushed his lips over my forehead. "You're such a horrible fucking liar."

Shrugging I leaned into his touch. "Fine, then just shut up and keep me company."

"You're annoying as fuck you know that?" He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me into his side. "But I fucking love you Bella."

"Good to know." I stole a glance at him and, for the first time in for-fucking-ever, I felt whole.

Well it was about fucking time…..

"Rise and shine San Francisco, it's another cold and sunny January day in the city. Let's make the most of it!"

What the fuck?

"Oh fuck I did it again." I groaned sitting up on the couch, every muscle stiff as I outstretched my legs, raising my arms up over my head.

A quick glance of the clock told me that it was just after nine a.m., giving me exactly thirty minutes to get dressed and get my ass down four blocks in order to make it to class.

_Class. _

I must've been hammered when I thought it would be good to sign up for a three day a week class that started at such an early hour.

I knew time was of the essence, but as soon as I took no more than two steps down the hall, my body literally came to a halt and I had to lean against the wall for support.

"Ugh, fuck it." With a groan I basically had to drag myself to the bedroom, pulling out whatever fresh pair of clothes I could get my hands on before barely making it into the bathroom to turn the shower on as hot as I could get it to go.

Though skipping class wasn't the smartest thing to do there really wasn't much I could do about it. I knew for a fact that my body wasn't having anything to do with walking any time soon. I'd be lucky if I made it to my damn meeting later on this afternoon.

_Meeting_

Fucking hell I still wasn't fully comfortable going to those things, but I had ended up meeting some pretty interesting people there. In fact, two of those people lived on the same floor as I did so, in a way, I lucked out there because I sure as hell didn't have any other friends around this place.

Oh sure there was my weekly call with Esme and my Uncle, but those didn't really last all that long. Other than that, there was nothing.

_And just whose fault is that?_

"Yes, everyone knows I'm the fuck up…" I tried to block out most of my inner monologue by focusing on the steaming water and the fact that it was soothing was nearly constant aching muscles and joints.

It didn't last too long though.

No as soon as I tried to clear my head, my stupid dream started playing in my mind clear as day, no matter how hard I tried to get rid of it.

I didn't understand why the hell it wouldn't go away. Though not the exact same dream, the same theme had been a constant in my dreams for the past few months.

Ever since I left _there_.

"Oh who the fuck cares, it was _just _a dream Bella! That's all it'll ever be and you know it. That fucking ship sailed a long time ago."

With a roll of my eyes at my own stupidity I snapped the water off, got dressed, and ran a brush thru my hair before making my way out to the tiny kitchen, hoping that there'd be something edible in there.

Thankfully for me and my stomach there were a few slices and peanut butter, allowing me to make some toast that would hopefully hold me over until I got to the grocery store after my meeting.

Perched on my kitchen counter I let my eyes scan quickly over the things that needed to be done around here. The dishes were slowly piling up, there was clothes scattered in various places that needed to all be taken downstairs to be washed, and the floors could use a quick sweep and mop.

Glancing behind me at the clock told me it was just a little past nine. My eyes shifted around the apartment, the internal clock ticking in my mind. I had five hours until my meeting.

Five hours cleaning or four hours taking a _much _needed nap?

"Yea like I'm going to choose to clean, no one comes to see me in this place anyways. There's always tomorrow."

Hopping off the counter I could hear that nagging little voice in the back of my mind.

The voice of my mother and how she would so not approve of all this shit everywhere.

_She's gone remember Bella? No use in dragging up old ghosts from the past. _

God, sometimes I hated that inner voice of mine. She was so damn annoying!

"And yet, you're still talking to yourself." Before beating up myself more than I already was, I trudged back into the bedroom and curled up on the left side as always, pulling the blankets up close around me and was already drifting off as soon as my head hit the pillow.

Honestly, I welcomed that darkness and the time for my brain to just stop dealing and just rest and give me a little bit of a break.

* * *

I slept those four hours, but it felt more like only one though with all the damn constant tossing and turning I did almost the entire time since I couldn't find a comfortable position to stay in.

Over the past few weeks my back had been killing me and lying on my stomach was pretty much out of the question these days.

I'd barely slipped my feet into my shoes when someone started knocking on my door.

Well, pounding was more like it and they didn't let up until I flung my front door open.

"Jesus Christ tiger," I groaned and grabbed my things, slamming the door shut behind me. "What's with all the damn noise?"

He huffed and wrapped an arm around my shoulder, his other closing in around his girlfriend. "I thought you were still sleeping, Bells! I couldn't have you ditching group today."

I peered around him, raising an eyebrow at my other friend. "What's got him so happy?"

She shrugged. "He got fucking lucky just now."

"Oh for fuck's sake," I tried to shake out of his grasp. "C'mon tiger, I don't want to be around you after that."

"It's all part of life baby. Now come on, let's get this shit done!" Pulling me back into his grasp tightly the three of us made our way down the elevator before walking the three city blocks to our meeting.

Though a relatively short distance, I was completely spent by the time we got there and practically collapsed down in the black plastic chairs that were all neatly arranged in a circle and waited for everything to start.

I may know everyone's name in this group now but there are really only two people, besides our group leader, who I talk to on a regular basis.

And, as the meeting starts up, I realize that it's perfectly fine with me.

The less people who know of and about me, the better.

That's just how things work out sometimes in life. No one said it'd be a damn walk in the park though.

Our meeting was the same as every other week. We went around the room, sharing things we accomplished or were working on and our goal for next week.

My goal for this week was to venture out and meet someone knew.

I lied.

I made up some girl who I met in my class and how we had coffee.

Yea, so sue me because I lied in fucking group I don't really care. Sometimes these little goal challenges were seriously pointless.

By the time everything was over I was actually starting to drift off so I nearly fell on my ass when people started moving around me, my eyes snapping open as I jumped up out of my seat to rejoin my friends.

"C'mon Bells, it wasn't that bad!"

I merely shrugged, but they seemed to understand what that meant.

Yea it wasn't that bad at all, but I was so damn exhausted all the time that I was highly likely to start falling asleep more often now.

All effects of my current situation I suppose.

"You girls want to stop by and get food? I'm fucking starving!"

I took a few steps ahead of the happy couple, zipping up my sweatshirt as the wind greeted me.

I slowly shook my head as my fingers grazed the small plastic card in my pocket. "Not today," I mumbled.

Two words and I was quickly surrounded by them, their arms looped thru mine in a quiet understanding. I had truly lucked out when it came to these two. Maybe it was because we were both in the same boat when it came to our damn addictions, but they just knew everything without me even having to say anything.

And that was perfect for me, the girl who hated having to explain things every time I made a certain facial expression or movement.

"We got you this time, Bells. Come on, let's hit up that deli by the apartment. How does that sound?"

I licked my lips and nodded with big eyes, causing the two of them to laugh at me. They knew that place was one of my many weaknesses these days and I could never find the strength to say no.

"Assholes, you're lucky I love you both." I nudged them both in the ribs as we walked somewhat awkwardly down the street in a small little group until we reached our destination.

While the two of them ordered our food to go, I quickly grabbed a few things that would hopefully last me for the next two weeks.

Money had been tight this month because of those two damn doctor appointments I had to go to and being as I didn't have a job I was just going to have to wait until Carlisle deposited money in my account.

Of course I could always call and tell them I needed a few extra dollars, but I already felt like a burden to them so I was just going to have to make it work.

After everything was paid for, we decided to just head back home where we could just hang out in one of the apartments for a few hours without any one bothering us.

"You should actually accomplish your goal for next week, Bella."

I rolled my eyes at the snide comment, glaring at my friends as we stepped off the elevator and made our way down the hall.

"Yeah yeah I know just what…." My train of thought was all but lost as we got closer to where we stayed, my bags nearly falling out of my hands as I stopped dead in my tracks.

"Ah, fuck." With a groan I turned back to face them, a helpless look on my face.

The two of them looked at me confused. "What's wrong Bells?"

"That's her," I sighed, shaking my head before turning around and just making the rest of the journey down the hallway until I reached my doorway.

"Sweetheart, oh I'm so glad I found you!" The sound of Esme Cullen's soft, motherly voice was a bittersweet comfort.

Raising my gaze to meet hers I tried to muster the best smile I could.

It was good enough because I was suddenly wrapped up in her embrace, her tiny frame pressed tightly against my own. Hesitant at first, I soon found my arms around her as well as I felt a light pat on my back.

"We'll call you later, Bella." I heard one of them say.

"It's so good to see you, baby. You look good."

I knew Esme was lying. I knew I looked like shit, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt as I let the two of us into the apartment.

Removing her coat, my eyes immediately fell to her stomach as she sat down on the couch and I across from her.

Pregnancy had done wonders for Esme. She looked radiant and glowing. She was so happy, you could see it in her eyes.

"Just a few more weeks," She gently touched her stomach, her eyes soft and loving as she spoke about her unborn child.

I nodded, twisting my hands in my lap. "What…what are you doing here, Esme?"

She laughed softly. "Carlisle had a conference and I tagged along because I wanted to come see you."

"You didn't you know…tell him, did you?"

"Of course not sweetheart. I know that when the time is right you will tell him." There was a hint of hope in her brown eyes, perhaps trying to indicate that now would be the time to tell my uncle about my current situation.

I just gave her a nod, my own indication that I wanted her to change the subject.

She smiled softly. "So, tell me about school!" She beamed, leaning back to get comfortable.

It was a nice feeling, having someone to talk to.

But it didn't last forever.

After awhile our conversation trailed off until we were answering each other's awkward questions with one word answers.

I knew Esme was trying to be nice and to be honest I was really fucking happy to see her, but I could only handle so much social interaction with her. Talking to her on the phone was perfect, but having her sitting right in front of me right now was a bit nerve-wracking.

I knew that it would come up eventually, but desperately hoped that I'd be able to avoid the inevitable.

"You can ask me sweetheart."

_Well, so much for that. _

I decided to play dumb for a few moments, hoping maybe she'd get the point.

"Ask you about what?"

Twisting my hands in my lap I awaited her response.

She just smiled at me, reaching over to pat my hands gently. "It's okay baby."

I tried one more time. "Okay to do what?"

"To think of Jasper, it's perfectly understandable."

And then it fucking went. The mere mention of his name and I felt my heart tighten to the point where I felt like I couldn't breathe.

Three months of trying to _not _think about him all went down the damn drain as soon as she said his name.

Damn it, it wasn't supposed to be like this! I was supposed to leave there and forget all about him and everything that transpired between us.

_Yea right Bella, are you really that fucking stupid? Just because you moved away doesn't change what happened. _

I let out a low gush of air, staring over at Esme and trying to ignore the nagging thoughts running through my mind.

"I don't want to think about him." I eventually caved, knowing that Esme was probably one of the few people who understood all this fucking drama with Jasper.

"Have you…." She hedged and I held up my hand to stop her. I wasn't about to have _that _conversation with her right now. I just couldn't.

"Right," She sighed. "Well, you know, he asked about you the last time I saw him."

I chewed my bottom lip softly. "Oh?" I tried to play it cool. "What...what did he say?"

"We all got together for Christmas, both Jasper and Edward were there actually. They both mentioned you a few times, wanted to know what you had been up to."

A small smile graced my lips.

They _both_ had thought about me.

As much as I didn't want to think about my time in that house, the time I had spent with Edward were actually really good memories. There was a part of me that cared deeply for that boy, even if my feelings for him would never amount to the ones he had for me.

"That's nice," I downplayed my thoughts. "I take it they're doing well?"

I was only being polite. I didn't really want to talk about them anymore.

"Edward is doing wonderful and Jasper? Well, he's in a slightly better place than the last time you saw him. In fact, I will be seeing both boys within the next few days."

My heart picked up speed again.

She nodded. "Both my sisters want to be here for when the baby is born and there is no doubt in my mind that they will be bringing the boys with them as well. We're a pretty tight knit family when the time calls for it."

I tried to hide the pang of sadness that hit me, but failed miserably. "I'm glad they'll all be there for you."

"You know Bella, baby, if you want to be there I would love that. Take a few days off and come back and stay with me and Carlisle so you can be there when the baby's born. I think..well I think that would be good for you, sweetheart."

I shook my head frantically. "Esme, you know that can't happen. You are the only one who knows. I can't just show up, see everyone and have them know just like that."

She nodded, her face twisting softly in what looked resembled discomfort.

For a moment she didn't say anything and I thought that I had upset her over my words.

I had only been telling her the truth, but I knew that it must've come off a little selfish.

I, after all, was still that selfish little girl.

"Esme, look, I…I didn't mean it like that. You know I would love to be there, more than anything actually, but it's just…well…I…" I started rambling and stopped when she held up her hand.

"Well you're going to be with me whether you want to you not, Bella." She spoke thru gritted teeth and I glared at her oddly.

"I'm sorry?"

"I…" She gasped and closed her eyes. "Bella, baby, I'm in labor…."

"What!" I jumped up off the couch, hovering over her slightly. "No, no…what the fuck? It's not time!"

She shook her head. "This happens sometimes. We don't have time to argue Bella. I…shit.." She groaned. "I need you to drive me to the hospital and call Carlisle. He's at that hospital anyways for the conference."

When she saw me just standing there with a blank look on my face, she snapped me.

"Bella, do you want this damn baby born in your fucking living room?"

I watched her with wide eyes, having never heard her talk like that before.

"Okay, okay! Jesus fucking Christ." I grabbed our things before helping Esme off the couch and towards the door. "We can do this. I'll get you the hospital Esme, I promise!"

"That's my girl," She patted my back, leaning against me as another contraction hit her. "You're all I got right now, Bella. We can do it. Now let's please get our asses to the hospital!"

I nodded, coaxing her along the entire way to the car before speeding off to the hospital.

The entire time we drove, I kept thinking how this had to be some sort of cruel foreshadowing of things that were to come for myself.

Every time she gasped in pain all I could think of was how I couldn't do this.

I wasn't strong enough to this all alone.

Fuck, I needed _him_ more than I had originally thought.

But I knew that was never going to happen. He had made that very clear to me.

_Now is not the time to be thinking of this Bella. Esme is as close to any family you're going to get. Take care of her, you stupid girl!_

As we pulled up to the ER, Carlisle was already standing outside, a somewhat frantic look in his eyes as he saw the two of us.

He immediately helped Esme out of the car, barely acknowledging me as he did so. Which was completely fine by me. I didn't need his attention quite yet.

They disappeared quickly into the hospital, Esme grabbing my hand as they started wheeling her away. "Thank you, baby. I love you." She grimaced and smiled at the same time and then they were gone.

"You can wait for them right here, sweetheart." A nurse brushed me off to the side into a waiting room and I slumped into one of the chairs, running my hands thru my hair.

"Holy fuck," I bit my lip. "How in God's name am I going to do this?"

And that was the million dollar question…

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**Just a little taste of the craziness that is to come, I do hope you guys enjoyed it!**

**And, of course, our other addict will be making his comeback next chapter. Hope ya'll are ready! **

**Feed the addiction, lovers... ;)**


	2. Given Up

**AN: I'm back everyone! I know it's been forever, but the addicts are back and ready to play full force! **

**I hope you all enjoy the trip back into Jasper's mind.**

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**Chapter 2: Given Up**

_**Take this all away**__**  
**__**I'm suffocating**__**  
**__**Tell me what the fuck is wrong**__**  
**__**With me**__**  
**__**I don't know what to take**__**  
**__**Thought I was focused but I'm scared**__**  
**__**I'm not prepared**__**  
**__**I hyperventilate**__**  
**__**Looking for help somehow somewhere**__**  
**__**And no one cares**__**  
**__**I'm my own worst enemy**_

I hated that she was doing this.

I fucking hated it.

But I couldn't hate her.

I wasn't that heartless.

She, after all, was my mother.

The one woman in my life who I'd fall apart if something were to ever happen to her, the one who I treated like shit on a daily basis as of lately.

"Jasper," my mother looked up at me, setting her book down and twisted her hands in her lap "Why are you so against this, honey? Aren't you happy for your aunt? I mean she _did _take you in for those few months…"

We had been going back and forth the past hour. You'd think my mother would know me well enough to know that I was stubborn as hell and wasn't about to give in to her demands, no matter how much she pleaded or tried to change my mind.

"That's not the point." I stood and paced around the room like an idiot, trying to fight back the rising anger. "You don't think I appreciated all the shit she did for me? I did, it has nothing to do with that. It's just," I groaned narrowing my eyes back at my mother "why the fuck do I need to go anyway? It's not like there's anyone else here for me to kill."

The words came out bitter and I instantly regretted them the moment I said them.

I expected to her to yell.

I expected her to slap the shit out of me.

I _knew _I deserved it after everything I put her through and I was still acting like an immature shit.

She didn't, of course she didn't.

My mother, even thought a complete hard ass when it came to certain things, was still in the grieving process.

A fact that I seemed to forget, or got some twisted satisfaction in playing off of.

Just because I was the ultimately the one to blame for sister's death, I was _not _the one who killed her.

Thought God knows I blamed myself, along with various other people we knew.

Standing my mother smoothes out the wrinkles in her dress before allowing her gaze to meet mine

"There will be no arguing with me on this, Jasper. Now either you go upstairs and pack your things, or you'll be wearing the same outfits for a week and so help me God is you pick the second choice…" Her voice trailed off in an almost icy demeanor as she awaited my response.

As much as I wanted to laugh at my mother, I knew she was being serious. After questioning her sanity for about a minute I ultimately gave her a wry smile and nodded, making my way up the stairs without another word.

I understood that this was part of my mom's attempt at trying to return to normal.

Not to the way things were, but at least out of the damn black hole were all in and nothing was more normal to my mother than fashion.

It was something she and Rosalie used to love doing, one of their many mother and daughter hobbies.

Trivial and materialistic as it seemed to some, who the hell was I to question what made her feel happy?

That I understood.

That I was capable of processing in my mind, but it didn't mean that I was going to do the same.

Pulling out my suitcase from the closet I tossed it on the bed before beginning to toss jeans and t-shirts, folding each and every item to avoid and bitch fit from my mother later on for walking around in a wrinkled outfit.

Grabbing hold of a pair of shoes I packed in a couple bottles of pills, sliding them under my piles of jeans. Thrown in regular ibuprofen bottles, the assholes in TSA would never know the difference if they happened to come across them.

I knew I would need those damn pills, especially if I was going to be returning back to that house; back to that house with all those memories.

_Her_

_Bella_

Fuck even thinking her name caused a sharp pain to shoot thru me, my hands rubbing over my face as I tried to clear the images from my head.

It was to no avail.

Everything was practically embedded in my mind, no matter how much I tired to deny it.

From the first day I met her, to the night we slept together, then to the morning where I found her bleeding all over the fucking place.

Even through memories it was too much, too much for my fucked up to even attempt to deal with.

Without even thinking I reached into my pocked, fingers grazing over of the pills I always carried.

No seconds thoughts were needed as I swallowed the pill dry, quickly finished packing before collapsing onto the bed.

Our flight wasn't until later this evening so it gave me a few hours to waste.

I was beyond thankful that my dad had an amazing fucking dentist who had given him a bountiful amount of Oxycodone after having one of his wisdom teeth removed.

He didn't even take them, fucker.

My father wasn't a fan of modern medicine, saying that the soul and home remedies could fix it all.

I clearly did not inherit those same sentiments.

So when he tossed them out, believing that the next day they would be headed out to the landfill, little did he know that they would end up back in the house tucked away in the back of my dresser in an inconspicuous bottle where they could be used at my own discretion.

It didn't take long for the comforting, hazy feeling to wash over me and soon enough I found myself falling into a restless sleep, trying desperately to think about anything but who I might or might not see soon.

**OoOoO**

"Jasper, wake up?" My name was called followed by something hitting my foot. Startled I sat up too quickly, groaning as the room spun around.

"Why the fuck did you do that?" I narrowed my eyes at my mother.

"Language Jasper, and it was a light tap on your leg. Get up honey we have to leave in fifteen minutes. I've been calling you forever."

_Fuck_

I must have fallen into a deeper sleep than I thought. My mother didn't seem to notice anything wrong with me.

"I'll be down in five mom," I assured her, quickly getting up to change into a fresh shirt and sweatshirt, sliding my shoes back on before zipping up the suitcase and hauling my ass down the stairs where I knew she was already waiting for me.

She was double checking everything in her purse while I grabbed my wallet. Beside it there was a blue Post-It note.

_Jasper, be sure to take care of your mother while you guys are away. Be good. ~Dad_

A wry smile crossed my features, stuffing the note in my back pocket.

My dad and I may not have the best relationship, but I respected him for everything he had done. Sure he may live on his own planet sometimes, but I wouldn't want him to be any other way. He was the reason my mother didn't completely lose it when my sister died and nothing in his eyes ever showed me that he blamed me for what happened.

The car that would take us to the airport arrived a few minutes after and my mother shuffled me out the door before shutting the door behind us.

I wasn't exactly thrilled, but I knew better to cause any more arguments.

If anything I would stay in the background as my mom and aunt bonded over the newest addition to our family. I knew my aunt would make a good mother, there was no doubt in my mind about that, but I just didn't want to stick around for all of the emotional and awkward run-ins with people.

We reached the airport, grabbed our things and headed towards the check in when mom's phone rang and she stopped in the middle of all the commotion.

Rolling my eyes I stood off to the side so that no-one would try and push me out of the way. I watched as my mother's facial expression went from confused to wide eye.

"Elizabeth are you sure?" My mother's voice grew louder, her lips curving into a smile. "Oh god, Esme can never keep with her set plans! Okay, okay we'll be there as soon as we can! Yes, yes love you too."

I raised a brow, walking behind mom as she started towards another airline.

"Mom what the hell are you doing?" I called after her.

She stopped, shaking her head as she looked up at me. "Your aunt went into labor, and she's in San Francisco!" She flailed her hands about. "So I need to switch out flights and get our butts to the city as fast as we can."

I groaned inwardly, nodding as I followed her.

My mother knew far too much when it came to this shit that within twenty minutes she switched our flight so that we could be heading straight to San Francisco. Luck would have it, according to mom, that there was a flight leaving within the next hour.

"Hurry along Jasper!" My mother waved her hand at me, her eyes almost wild.

Forty five minutes later I was staring out the window of the plane as we waited to take off.

"Don't look so glum, honey. You're acting like you're going to be surrounded by a bunch of women for the next week."

I raised a brow looking over at her. What the fuck was she talking about? If she was thinking that I was going to be bonding with Carlisle, she was sorely mistaken.

When my perplexed look finally registered with her she simply laughed.

"Did I forget to mention that Edward was going to be there as well?"

My eyes narrowed at the mention of my cousin, running a hand harshly thru my hair. As childish as it was, I was still fucking pissed over all that had transpired between him and Bella during those few days he had been around.

I knew my mother was blissfully aware of this and, for her sake, I tried not to make scene even though every part of me wanted to run off this damn plane.

"I don't think Edward and I will have much to talk about mom, but I guess you're right."

Thankfully she didn't have the time to answer as the fasten seat belt sign came on and we were instructed to prepare for take-off.

My mother rambled almost the entire flight, but I had her practically tuned out. I honestly didn't give a shit about baby names, or whether or not my aunt was going to have a boy or a girl.

What did I care? Sure this kid would be part of my family, related to me, but that was about it.

As much as I tried to keep my mind focused on something trivial and non-important, my thoughts kept drifting to the one thing I desperately was trying to avoid.

I'd be a liar if I said Bella hadn't been on my mind since I left three months ago, no matter how hard I tried to avoid the images in my mind.

Every now and then someone would say something, or I would hear something and it would all come back to her. I hated that I was this way, and I hated _her _for doing this to me.

By the time we finally landed I was so wound up in my own thoughts that I was on the verge of throwing back a few more pills; I was desperate need of them.

I had no clue if Bella would be at the hospital. A part of me knew that wasn't a possibility. There would be no reason for her to be there anyways.

But then there was the other part of me, that tiny twisted part of me, that hoped that she would. There were still things I needed to tell her, things that would fuck with that head of hers.

I couldn't deny it.

Bringing her pain was still something I craved.

I, after all, hadn't forgotten about the game we had involved ourselves in.

It was raining when we arrived in San Francisco, throwing my hood over my head while I grabbed the suitcases and followed mom outside where she had already called us a cab that would take us to the hotel before driving us over to the hospital.

I had lived in California all my life, but I had never been in this city. My eyes were glued to all the buildings we drove by, taking in all the people I saw on our way.

This place had to be a haven to score some good shit.

Rubbing a hand down my face I tried to hide the soft smirk on my lips as I tried to think if there would be time to escape out on my own to explore this city.

The cab came to a quick stop at our hotel, mom telling me just to stay put as she got everything settled.

I wasn't too fond of her treating me like I was six, but it was whatever. A bellhop helped her take the bags as she went to check in.

"First time in the city," The driver glanced back at me from the rear-view window.

I nodded, stuffing my hands into my pockets. "Yea, here to see some family."

"Welcome to the city, man. Hope you enjoy your stay."

I nodded again before turning to look out the window. I wasn't sure how much I'd enjoy this stay since I didn't want to fucking be here in the first place.

Minutes later we were back on the road, heading to the hospital that wasn't too far from the hotel. Like I said, my mom knew way too much when it came to traveling.

After paying the cab driver, I reluctantly found myself standing in front of the hospital, glancing up at the huge building with weary eyes.

"Jasper come on, you'll get sick if you stand out in the rain!"

It wasn't the rain I was worried about.

She seemed to forget how much I fucking loathed hospitals.

She was standing there, waiting for me with almost impatient eyes that I forced myself to take those next few steps into the hospital.

Immediately the scent washed over me, causing my stomach to turn and my eyes to pinch shut as I waited for mom to get the information at the front desk as to where my aunt was.

"Jasper you go upstairs. I'm going to call your father and stop by the gift shop, hopefully they're still open."

I glared at her. Was she fucking kidding me? Why would I want to go up there on my own?

"Why?"

"So she knows we're here! Now go honey, she's on the 6th floor."

Groaning I knew there was no way to get out of this, so I decided to just get it all over with.

I tried to mentally prepare myself for this, telling myself that I would step in to say hello to my aunt and congratulate her on the birth of her child before looking for a waiting room to hide out in until it was time to go. My mother would be too caught up with everything that she wouldn't make a big deal out of it.

Riding the elevator, silently counting in my head to fifteen before the doors slid upon and I had no choice but to move forward.

I tried to avoid the gaze of the nurses, but I knew they were all watching me with suspicious eyes. On my own what purpose would a teenage boy be doing wandering the halls of the maternity ward?

I sure as hell wasn't here because I was a teen father.

I fucking shuddered at the thought.

Finally reaching the correct number I shook my hands to try and fight back the urge to just runaway.

Fuck that, I was stronger than this. I needed to stop acting like a wimp and just get the damn thing over with.

Sucking in deep breath I pushed the door open, fully prepared with my lines of what I was going to say to my aunt as soon as I approached her.

Life is never fucking fair.

While my eyes immediately fell on the hospital bed in the middle of the room, they just as quickly shifted towards the person who was sitting off in the right corner near the bed.

As much as I had tried to prepare myself for it, and even secretly wished it would happen, I never in a million years thought that I was going to see Bella sitting there.

"Fuck," A low groan escaped my lips as my feet remained glued to the ground.

What the hell was she doing here?

After a moment of trying to pull myself together, I garnered enough courage to glance back up.

Bella was staring right back at me, her lips parted slightly and her eyes wide.

_Well this is just fucking perfect. What's the next move dumbass?_

It was obvious that I wasn't the only one who had been caught off guard. I had no fucking idea what to do, what to say. It's not like I could just walk up to her and say 'hey, you fucked up your life anymore since the last time I saw you?'

Then there was the tiny part of me that wanted to laugh at her. Knowing she was truly here would give me the chance to say everything that had been left unsaid when she decided to just get up and leave without saying goodbye.

"Jasper, you're here!" Esme eventually pulled me away from my thoughts, her smile both bright and weak as she looked at me. "Where's your mom?"

"Downstairs," I mumbled, taking a few steps towards the left side of the bed, glancing down at my aunt.

"Would you like to meet her?" She reached over and patted my hand as she caught me staring at her and the baby in her arms.

I nodded. "She's beautiful, Esme." I kissed my aunt on the forehead, trying to smile as best as I could.

"Here honey, hold her." She gently placed the baby in my arms before I could even process her words.

"I think little Amelia should get to properly meet her cousin." I awkwardly stood there for a few moments before I found a comfortable position in which to hold her in.

I had never held a baby before and I was beyond nervous that I was going to drop this kid on her head.

"Hey Amelia," I spoke nervously to the baby, gently holding her in my arms. She reached up and grabbed one of my fingers with her hand, babbling something once she got a hold of me.

Without even being truly aware I lowered my head to kiss the baby on her forehead, my eyes closing slightly as I took in her scent.

She was so innocent and carefree, I envied her.

Pathetic, I was fucking jealous of a newborn baby.

Looking up, I caught Esme looking over at Bella with a knowing look and a smile.

Bella wasn't smiling back. No, she was looking straight at me and I swear she had tears in the corner of her eyes.

"I have to go, Esme." She stood up suddenly, kissing her cheek before coming around the bed, touching Amelia gently

"I'll visit you soon okay _mi amor_? You're so beautiful Amelia." She kissed her cheek as well before rushing out of the room.

I shot a glance between a fleeing Bella and a soft sighing Esme.

"What the hell was that all about?"

Shaking her head softly, I placed the baby back in her arms.

The second Bella had ran, I had the strongest urge to chase after her, demanding for her to tell me what was wrong.

"Go to her." Esme's soft, motherly voice called me back and I stared at her confused. "She needs you Jasper; she just doesn't know it yet."

What the fuck was that supposed to mean?

Even though it made no sense, I nodded like an idiot before making a quick exit out of the room, almost knocking down my mother along the way, but I didn't have time to explain to her.

I had no idea where Bella would be, but I made a guess and figured she would be heading out to catch some air even though it was still raining.

I was making my way towards the entrance when I saw her. She was coming out of the bathroom and slowly making her way towards the doors. I thought about yelling for her, but I knew she'd probably keep walking so I just picked up the pace reaching her as she reached outside.

"Bella," I called her but she didn't turn around "Bella, fuck…will you look at me?"

"Leave me alone Jasper." Her voice was soft, almost weak. Since she wasn't making any effort to turn and face me, I walked around her so I could see her.

In this light and proximity, I was actually able to get a better look at her.

Her face was pale, her eyes had dark circles under them as if she hadn't had a good night's rest in weeks.

With my eyes on her, I noticed she immediately tightened her sweater she was wearing around her.

"What do you want?" She pressed when the silence had become too much.

"Why are you here and why are you avoiding me?"

The laugh that passed her lips was cold and dark. "Why would I be avoiding you? The world doesn't revolve around you Jasper, as much as you'd love to believe that."

"Because" I stepped in closer to her "You fucking leave without even saying goodbye and now you're running away from me again. I deserve an explanation."

"What would you want a goodbye for?" She tried to move from my grasp. "I don't owe you a damn thing."

"If memory serves me correctly, I'm the one who found you in shower bleeding out…"

She snorted. "No thanks to you."

"Fuck, Bella…I didn't come out here to argue with you."

"Then what the hell do you want?" She was growing irritated with me, her eyes narrowing.

"I want" I went against my better judgment and placed my hands on her arms "Damn it, there's something I need to fucking tell you…" confusion registered in her eyes. So much so that her hands dropped from her sweater, letting it fall loosely around her.

That's when I saw it.

Narrowing my eyes into slits I let my enraged gaze meet hers.

Was _this _the reason she had fucking bailed?

My grip tightened on her arms, almost pulling her tiny frame against mine.

"What the fuck, Bella?" I hissed, my teeth gritting as I said her name.

"Let go of me," She tried to back away from me again, but I was stronger than she was. "I don't owe you anything, Jasper."

"I think you do." My eyes fell between us for another second before snapping up to glare at her.

"Are you fucking pregnant?"

The words fell from my lips, but there was no need to confirm it.

Bella just stood there, blinking back the anger and fear that was welling in her eyes.

_Well fuck my life_

* * *

**Show me some love, dolls! I'm dying to know what you thoughts!**


	3. Burning In the Skies

**AN: Thank you to all my lovely readers and reviewers, it truly means the world to me to know what you think!**

**Care for a little Bella/Jasper interaction? It really has been far too long.  
**

**Enjoy dolls!**

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_**C**__**hapter 3: Burning in the Skies**_

_**I'm swimming in the smoke**_

_**Of bridges I have burned**_

_**So don't apologize I'm losing what I don't deserve**_

_**The blame is mine alone**_

_**For the bridges I have burned**_

**Bella**

When panic sets in one of two things will usually happen.

We will either make the quickest exist we are capable of making, or we will remain paralyzed by fear.

During those torturous moments after Jasper had asked me the obvious question, the one I _still _wasn't fully ready to give him an answer to, I knew I had chosen the second choice to take hold of me.

He was staring at me, his eyes narrowed into furious slits that it was almost like he was staring right through me.

I desperately wished that he would just let all the pieces fall together in that damn twisted mind of his so I wouldn't have to say the actual words.

_You really think that'll make this any easier, Isabella?_

Squeezing my eyes shut I mumbled a quiet and short 'fuck off' to the voices in my head, though it could've also been just as much for Jasper.

"Why the fuck won't you answer me?" The tone in his voice was bitter and it startled me somewhat.

"Why do you need me to say the words, Jasper? Are you fucking blind? Do you _really _need me to say it?"

At first he didn't say anything, a few short moments of silence before I felt a cold hand wrap around my wrist to drag me forward. It caught me off guard that I had no choice but to move.

When I finally allowed my gaze to meet his, my lips twisted into a straight firm line. I knew he wasn't going to give in, he never gave in. It was the way his fucked up head worked; him and his stupid game that I had spent months attempting to beat him at.

I was stronger now. At least, stronger than I was the last time I saw him and I wasn't about to stand out here in the fucking cold and have a staring competition with him.

He wanted me to say it, fine. I'd fucking say it.

Thru gritted teeth I glanced up at him, trying to twist out of his grasp. "I'm pregnant. Are you fucking happy now? I said the words."

As if my words had struck him the face like they were the ones he hadn't been expecting I felt him dig his nails into my already scarred wrists before jerking me up towards him.

A sharp sense of panic shot through me. Not at the way he was treating me, but because it was if he was paying no mind to the fact that I had just confirmed that I was indeed pregnant.

"How the fuck did this happen?" He hissed.

I fought against his grasp. "Mother fucker I'm not a rag doll, let me go."

"Answer me," He ignored my pleas and I knew my wrist was going to end up bruised soon.

"Do you really have to ask me that, Jasper? Are you really that fucking naive?"

He snorted at my statement. "I'm naïve? You're the one who went and pregnant, Bella."

That was the last straw. I was not going to have this asshole talking to me like this, let alone blame me for the situation we were both now in.

In a blink my free hand came in contact with his cheek, a sharp smack filling the chilly night air that sent pure satisfaction down my spine.

"In case you were too damned stoned in health class, it takes two people to make a baby. I didn't climb on top of myself got myself pregnant, you idiot. The fact that you have the audacity to even ask is beyond pathetic."

"I'm pathetic? You're the one who couldn't even tell me the truth. You're the run who fucking bailed without so much as an explanation."

"I owed you nothing, Jasper!" I raised my voice slightly, my teeth clenching. "There was no reason to tell you, you wouldn't care. You don't care about anything other than where you're going to get your next fix from, you fucking addict."

A low, sinister grin crossed his face as he still held on to my wrist, before he turned my palm upright to push up the sleeve of my sweater roughly.

"Such a hypocrite," He sneered as he ran a finger along the burned flesh from only a few weeks ago.

I bite back a small whimper as he touched me. As fucked up as it was, I couldn't deny that Jasper's touch still drove me insane in so many ways.

"You're going to stand here and call me and addict, using it as your excuse as to why you didn't tell me, while you're over here still keeping up with your old habits? If anyone is pathetic, it's _you _Bella. You're weak, a soon to be addict mother."

I gasped softly at his words, my stomach dropping with each hurtful word.

How could it be, after months of being apart, he could just show up and still hurt me like this?

How could he still have this power over me?

_Say something, Isabella. Get away from him before he makes you do something you'll regret later on. _

Taking in a deep, shaky breath I shot my eyes up towards Jaspers'. "I make no apologies for what I did, Jasper. I knew I had to do what was right for me, not us. There's never ever been an us and just because I'm pregnant…it doesn't change a single fucking thing."

With his thumb pressed firmly against my still healing wound he merely laughed, short and dark.

"Who are you trying to fool Bella? You may have changed the scenery, but not the fucking situation. You're out here calling me an addict, fine, but don't try to act like you're all high and mighty just because you're pregnant. Damn it…" he hissed, as if the words were finally sinking in, before releasing my wrist.

I quickly pulled it against my chest, closing my eyes as I tried to catch my breath.

"Pregnant, I..mother fuck this is not happening.."Jasper began rambling to himself and as much as I wanted run far away from him, I couldn't. Something was holding me in place yet again. This time, however, it wasn't fear.

I realized this feeling all too well, especially when it came to this boy.

He was confused and deep down I know he was freaking the hell out. There was a small part of me that wanted to reach out and comfort of him.

_What the hell are you thinking? Do not do that!_

Instead I stood there, glancing up at the darkened sky before looking around where we were. I was surprised that no-one had heard our argument until I remembered the time. Visiting hours were probably now over and it was too cold to just be lingering about out here.

Besides, not too many people would stop to see why a couple of fucked up teens were arguing anyways.

I was too caught up in my thoughts, Jasper too, that I didn't hear a pair of heels quickly approaching until it was too late.

Glancing up I knew right away that it was Jasper's mother.

"Fuck," I groaned softly, wrapping my arms around my chest in a move of defense. I knew it was her by the way she was staring at him and the way her blue eyes pierced right through me.

"What is going on here, Jasper?" His mother's voice was soft, like that of a mother, a soft twinge of sadness running through me.

When Jasper didn't answer her, his gaze shifting down towards the ground she turned to look at me with a soft smile. "And you are?"

My voice was tiny as I answered her. "Bella, I'm Bella." I would've thought that my name would've meant nothing to her, but as soon as I told her who I was her entire facial expression softened, almost to the point of sadness and complete compassion

"Bella? As in Carlisle's niece Bella?"

I nodded softly, chewing on my bottom lip. Had she heard about me? Clearly it wouldn't have been from Jasper, right?

"My sister has told me a lot of you, dear." She smiled. "I'm Sarah, it's very nice to finally meet you." Extending her hand towards me, as much as I didn't want to, I gently placed my shaking hand in hers.

When I moved my hand my sweater, yet again, opened slightly and it didn't go unnoticed by Sarah.

"Oh my," She whispered and then, as if she was doing the mental calculations in her head, her eyes widened a bit more. "Oh God," With a soft shake of her head, she moved her gaze from mine back to her son, then back to me again.

Unlike Jasper, his mother had figured it out in a matter of seconds without so much as asking me anymore questions. Maybe that was because she was a mother herself? At any rate, I was the slightest bit relieved when she didn't start spewing hurtful words at me, or telling me I had 'trapped' her son somehow.

Instead she shocked me by wrapping her arms around me tightly, placing a kiss to my cheek.

Oh yea, she was definitely related to Esme.

"Come on you two, we should go back inside where we all need to talk about this."

Jasper shot his mother a glare, which she returned with a sharp one of her own and I bit back my smirk. At least she didn't let him walk all over her.

"Don't you dare look at me like that, young man." Looping an arm around my shoulders she proceeded to walk us back into the hospital. I didn't want to go back in there, but what other choice did I have now?

"This has to be so hard for you honey, especially since you lost your mother not too long ago. I can't even imagine." Although were words were meant to be compassionate, they stung and I felt myself tense as we walked.

I didn't like when people mentioned my mother. The wounds were still fresh, regardless of the amount of time that had already passed since her death.

"Pregnant," Jasper's mother said the word to herself as we got off the elevator and began walking back towards Esme's room. When the nurses tried to stop us, saying that visiting hours were over, Sarah didn't stand for any of it. She quickly shut them up by saying something that I couldn't quite exactly hear.

Walking back into the room I almost ran back out when I saw my uncle sitting beside his wife's bed. I had avoided Carlisle earlier since he was off doing something, but now I knew the truth was about to come all out.

"Well there you all are," Carlisle stood with a smile on his face and I hated that I was about to absolutely ruin this moment for him.

Stepping away from Jasper and Mother I stood there completely exposed for them all to see. It felt like I was standing there naked and they could see every scar, scratch and burn mark that lingered on my body.

Only this was ten times worse.

"Bella," I could hear the anger already beginning to rise in my uncle's voice as he crossed the room to stand before me, his arms folded across his chest in a move that tried to show his authority. "You better start explaining, young lady."

I stared at him incredulously. Was he really serious right now? Last time I checked he wasn't father.

_But he's your actual family, dumbass. _

Without conscious thought my hand slowly fell to my stomach, running my fingers across the growing bump. "I…I'm sorry." The words were tiny as the ever present sense of guilt washed over me.

I had never felt guilty over this pregnancy, until the very moment I looked into my uncle's eyes. They held such disappointment that it caused my stomach to clench.

Carlisle had never voiced it, but I knew that he was hoping that my life would be completely turned around when I moved out on my own. And while I was doing somewhat better, being pregnant wasn't something he thought would ever happen.

"How far along are you, Bella?"

I counted quickly in my head before mumbling. "Three and a half months."

My uncle's lips twisted into a thin line, the tables turning in his mind quickly before his gaze flitted around the firm. First towards his wife and then towards Jasper.

"Damn it," He hissed, turning to face Esme. "You knew about this didn't you?"

"Honey, please, it's not what you think."

"No, what I see is my wife keeping something very important about _my _niece from me. How in the hell could you not tell me, Esme? Did you not think that I deserved to know?"

I hated the way he was speaking to his wife. This wasn't her fault, not by a long shot.

_Then say something, stupid. _

"Stop," I was finally able to squeak out, digging my nails into my palms before stepping forward. "Don't blame her for this, Carlisle. I asked her not to tell because I was fucking scared. I was going to tell you eventually, but I'm still trying to come terms with all this."

His eyes softened somewhat, turning back to look at me. "If you knew you were pregnant why didn't you stay with us, Bella? We could've helped you so you wouldn't have to do this alone."

As smart of an idea that was, I knew there was no way.

I couldn't do that, but I also couldn't exactly explain why that wasn't possible.

"This is for me to deal with. I got myself into this situation, I couldn't make you and Esme take care of me. You two already have a lot on your plate to deal with. I just, fuck no I couldn't do that to you."

"And Jasper," Completely ignoring my statement he took a few calculated steps towards Jasper. "How long have you known about this?"

Oh, fuck this was not going to end up well.

Never the one to shy away from confrontation, Jasper stood straight and glared right back at Carlisle. "For about forty five fucking minutes, don't try to give me the guilt trip because it isn't going to work with me."

For a few minutes after that, the room fell silent until Jasper's mother decided to speak up.

"I think that instead of focusing on things of the past, we need to decide what needs to be done now in the present."

Everyone looked over at her, shock and confusion written all over their faces.

"I don't need anyone deciding anything for me. I've been doing just fine on my own." I attempted to stand my ground, but I was sure my voice was wavering with nerves.

I could hear Jasper snort before a short, dark laugh filled the room. "Fucking liar,"

"Stay the fuck out of this Jasper," I glanced at him from the corner of my eye. "It's pretty clear you don't want anything to do with me or this baby, so you might as well keep your mouth shut."

I could hear the women in the room gasp softly.

"Jasper, sweetheart, is this true?"

With a shrug of his shoulders, Jasper ran a hand harshly through his hair while keeping his eyes on the ground.

I'd be lying if a sharp twinge of hurt didn't shoot through me when I saw his actions.

"See there's nothing to be decided. Just because you all know now, it doesn't change anything. It doesn't change anything…"

"Nonsense," Jasper's mother came closer to me, wrapping her arm around my shoulders tightly. "I will not let you go through this on your own, sweetheart. In a odd turn of events, you and I are now closer then we would've previously imagined."

Raising a brow I grew nervous with each word she spoke. What the hell was she talking about?

"Sarah, you're not suggesting…" I could hear Carlisle from somewhere in the room.

"You bet your ass I am," She narrowed her eyes before speaking once more. "Bella you will either come to stay with us, or Jasper will come and live with you."

I about choked on the shock that flowed through my veins.

Was she fucking serious?

"No!" I shook my head, moving away from her. "No offense, but fuck no! I am not living with _him_," I hissed towards Jasper "under any circumstances."

"I'm afraid you aren't at liberty to decide that now, sweetie."

"I'm sorry? This is my baby. I…I won't have you guys making all these choices for me."

"While the child may be yours, it would seem as though you're not exactly stable to make the best choices for yourself and your child."

I was fuming at her statement. "And you think bringing Jasper into this situation will make things better? He's just as fucked as I am, in case you haven't noticed."

"I'm not here to judge either of you, but you two are in this together, whether if you two want it or not. You two need to stop being so god damn selfish and look at what's really important now. Put aside all your harsh words and apparent hatred and take a look around. You are pregnant, Bella and Jasper you are the father. Now, stop acting like five year olds and instead of constantly arguing, shut up and get your shit together!"

The ending part of the speech caused me to jump slightly, my eyes squeezing shut as I tried to make sense of all of this.

This was so not happening right now. It couldn't be; I couldn't handle this.

_That's your problem, Bella. You always want to run before you even see if you can handle something. She's right and you damn well know it. Stop acting like a little bitch and woman up._

As much as I didn't want to agree with Jasper's mother, I knew she was right. She knew that there was something completely disturbed about her son, but she wasn't about to let that be his excuse to just sit around on his ass and not do something.

I didn't want anything to do with him, but what could I do? It was like I was being cornered by these people, but deep down I knew they were all fucking right.

Jasper may still be completely fucked, but I wasn't about to crawl back down to his level again.

I wasn't a repented sinner, but I was at least trying to get my back life together.

So, as much as it fucking killed me to do it, I finally gave them an answer.

Waving my hand in a rather dramatic fashion I glared straight as Jasper as I spoke. "Okay."

One simple word that was filled with so much anger and hurt, as was plainly seen in Jasper's eyes.

God fucking help me.

* * *

**And so it starts! Such twisted people we have on our hands. **

**If you'd be so kind to let me know what you thought, I would appreciate it beyond words! You all are _my _addiction. **


	4. In Pieces

**AN: And so I slowly return, dolls. I hope you all enjoy this next one! **

* * *

**Chapter 4: In Pieces**

**There's truth in your lies**

**Doubt in your faith**

**What you build you lay to waste**

**So I, I won't be the one**

**Be the one to leave this**

**In Pieces**

**Jasper**

As soon as I heard Bella speak I knew that I was completely fucked over. No one was going to even bother listening to my protests now.

I'd be an idiot to even try to attempt to side against Bella; everyone was going to take her side since she was pregnant.

Even though I knew this it still didn't stop me from trying to be an asshole about it.

"Mom," I stepped closer to my mother as I shook my head "it's not that simple. You can't just expect me to just leave my life behind and move to a new city and not put up a fight about it."

"Jasper, just what do you think you're leaving behind?" My mother stood with her hands on her hips, glaring straight at me. "Don't tell me for a second that you'll miss me or your father because we both know that's a lie. You don't talk to anyone anymore, son. I think you moving here will be a good thing."

"It's the worst fucking thing." I slightly raised my voice, crossing my arms over my chest. "You think that coming to live with _her_ is going to make things any better for me?"

"You need to stop acting like a selfish, stubborn and look at what is right in front of you, young man." I fucking cringed. I knew what was coming next. "It's time you took responsibility for something."

She might as well have slapped me across the face with that last statement, but as much as I wanted to bitch at my mother for saying it I knew it was fucking true.

I had spent far too much time being a complete selfish asshole that only cared about himself and where he was going to get his next fix.

_You realize this, but are you going to own up to what you need to do?_

Probably not

"So what, you want me to just stick around here and wait for this kid to be born and then what?" My mind was racing a mile a minute and I couldn't put my thoughts into words quickly enough.

"Jasper!" My mother came closer to me with narrowed eyes. "I do not want to hear you speaking in that manner. I will not allow it, not for a God damn second."

I shrugged my shoulders and glanced around the room taking in the expressions.

Carlisle and Esme were exchanging confused glances and Bella looked like she was about to fucking faint.

Before I could answer someone else decided to throw their opinion into the mix.

"Sarah are you sure that this is the best thing to do? They're both young and not exactly in the best place to just force them together." Esme's soft and tired voice caused everyone to look over at her.

"I'm with her." I nodded towards my aunt. "Making me move in with Bella makes no fucking sense and she doesn't even like me."

"That doesn't matter. What matters is that you two are expecting a child and, I hate to burst your bubble Jasper, but that takes much more importance than anything else."

"How can you expect things to just be fine, mom? What the hell planet are you living on?"

"You can argue all you want Jasper, but you might as well stop. You are not going to run away from this situation."

"This situation is completely fucked up, _we're_ fuck ups. Why can't you see that? Why can't anyone see that? Just cause she got knocked up it doesn't change anything." Turning to face my aunt and her husband, I raised a brow. "Did you two forget the fact that Bella almost fucking died because of me while we were living under your roof? What makes you think that shit won't happen again?"

My mother looked stunned, Esme looked like she wanted to fucking cry and Carlisle appeared to want to punch the shit out of me.

I welcomed it.

I received none of it.

"How dare you?" I heard a mumbled voice coming from off to the side. Turning around just in time I watched as Bella shoved me as hard as she could, causing me to stumble back somewhat. "You think I would so something like that again? I am fucking pregnant!" She hissed through gritted teeth, pushing me yet again.

I tried best I could to not put my hand on her, but I wasn't about to stand there and let her push me around like nothing.

With everyone watching, however, I wasn't about to step over that line.

Before I could open my mouth to speak the door to the room opened and two nurses stepped in with bewildered looks on their faces.

"May I ask what in the world is going on?"

"Nothing," We all answered at once and the nurses rolled their eyes.

"I think it's time that all your visitors head out for the night Mrs. Cullen."

"We're not finished here." My mother tried to protest, but even she was no match for the medical staff here.

There was far too much fucking estrogen floating around in the room for my liking.

"I hate to break up whatever it is that's going on in here, but visiting hours are over and all this yelling and arguing isn't good at all for Mrs. Cullen and her baby."

"Five minutes and we'll be out of here." My mother nodded towards the nurses, holding her hand when they tried to tell her she had to leave again. "You have my word or you can call the police on me."

They finally gave and left the room, leaving all of us to stand there in awkward silence.

"Bella and Jasper, I know that you two have a lot to work through and there is obviously a history between you two, but for tonight you two are just going to have to deal with it and try to be civil for each other, if just for this one night."

My mother's tone was completely calm and reserved; a total one eighty from her emotional outbursts a few minutes ago.

I didn't really feel like fighting anymore. I knew I wasn't going to win anything right now, regardless of what I said.

I would have to throw in the towel for tonight.

"Fine," Running a hand through my hair I looked around the room "one fucking night let's get it over with."

Though obviously not the answer she was seeking it was enough for my mother for the moment.

"Esme dear I'm going to borrow your car for the evening to take these kids over to Bella's apartment." I snorted as my mother dug around her sister's bag until she found the car keys. She didn't even give anyone a chance to say anything else.

I stood awkwardly off to the side as mom and Bella said goodbye to Esme and the now sleeping baby. I was amazed that she had been asleep during throughout that whole ordeal. I wish I could've blocked them out that easily.

When they finally all started clearing out of the room I briefly hugged my aunt before leaning down to place my hand atop the baby's for a second. I hated to admit it, but there was just something do damn peaceful about looking at her.

Shaking my head I moved away from the bed, not wanting anyone to think that I actually was fond of children.

That was the _last _thing I needed right now.

The hospital was eerily quiet, most of the visitors having gone home for the night while the majority of the patients were probably settling in for the night already. We got a few sideways glances from the nurse's stations as we walked through, but I paid them no attention.

My mother on the other hand glared at them, mumbling things under breath until we got all the way to the elevators.

"The nerve of some people," She huffed and pressed the button for the first floor before looking back at the two of us. Bella was nervously fidgeting with the hem of her sweater and I was just trying to look anywhere else but at her.

"You know communication is key to any form of relationship, you two."

No one answered my mother's comment.

She might have as well been talking to the elevator doors.

"You two are so damn stubborn." My mother laughed softly to herself just as the doors opened and we all stepped out and headed out towards the parking garage, Bella and I falling in line behind her.

We didn't speak a word to each other as we entered the garage, Bella pointing out where the car was.

"Since you know this city better, I think you should drive darling." Tossing the keys over to Bella with a soft grin, mom turned to look at me. "Jasper, you get in the passenger seat so you can get a bit better view of the roads."

What the fuck did it matter if I knew the streets around here? God this woman was so damn determined to have me stay here it was borderline insane. Just because I had agreed to this _one _night to stay with this girl it didn't mean that I was going to permanently move in with her.

There was no fucking way.

I was too pissed and tired to even want to fight so I just slipped into the front of the car, slamming the door shut behind me as the others did the same.

"The apartment isn't too far from here." Bella spoke to no-one in particular as she started the car and pulled out of the parking lot.

"Do you hear a lot of sirens living so close to the hospital, dear?" Mom was trying to make small chat and I bit back my laugh. Bella hated when people asked her things. She felt as if people were intruding on her personal life, wanting details of her past.

"It doesn't really bother me." I took note of the fact that Bella had tightened her grip slightly on the steering wheel as she turned a corner. "Since I don't have a car here, it's close enough so I can walk to the hospital for my meetings."

We both glanced in her direction with raised brows.

She laughed nervously as she pulled in front of a building. "It was part of the deal when I moved here, going to my group meetings every week." With a soft shrug she turned off the car.

"This is where I live." Stepping out of the car I glanced up at the brick building, scrubbing my hands down my face as I waited for the girls to join me.

It didn't look like that bad of a place and I didn't know if I was relieved or disappointed. If the apartment was nice I couldn't use that as an excuse to not want to be there.

"Alright, well I'm going to attempt to head back to the hotel now." Bella and I both turned to look back at my mother. "Bella, sweetheart, will you tell me how to get to this address? I don't think it's too far from here." She showed her a piece of paper before Bella quickly rambled off some directions.

"Alright you two, it looks like I won't be that far from here so if you need anything I am just a call away." After a few moments mom added a bit more to her statement. "Not to say that you two will need me, you are grown and care for yourselves."

Rolling my eyes as she hugged me I quickly said goodbye, stuffing my hands into my pockets as I watched her drive off.

After a few awkward moments out on the sidewalk Bella finally got the hint and started walking towards the entrance without so much as saying a word to me.

Which was fine by me, I didn't want to talk to her either.

Truth be told I was still trying to process the bomb she had dropped on me earlier. I had a million thoughts and questions running through my mind, but I didn't want to exactly sit around and actually talk about them with her.

I wasn't ready for that quite yet.

We quietly rode the elevator up to the fifth floor, the same silence following us as we walked down to the hall until we eventually reached the door.

Leaning against the wall I watched with irritation as Bella fidgeted around her bag until she found her keys. What all did she have in there that should couldn't find her damn keys?

"We going to stand out here all night or what?" My question went unanswered just as Bella pushed open the door that led into her apartment.

She stepped inside first, taking a few steps to turn on a lamp that was in the corner of the room. Giving off light into the room I took in a few of the surroundings before reluctantly taking a step inside.

There wasn't much to look at, but it wasn't shady looking either.

There was a couch, a coffee table with papers strewn about and a TV right across from them. It wasn't anything extravagant, but somehow I knew that this is what her home would look like.

Shutting the door behind me I walked to the center of the room, catching a glimpse of the small kitchen and a hallway that led to Bella's bedroom.

I figured that would be the place that would have all her shit that mattered to her, not out here in the living room where anyone could see.

The tension was thick as we stood there for what felt like fucking ever, neither of us not really knowing what to say to the other. Even though she hadn't said anything I knew she was nervous and she didn't want me to be so close to her, let alone in _her _new home.

"Can we stop with this silent bullshit, Bella?" I grumbled under my breath, stepping a bit closer to her.

She turned around to face me, eyes narrowing slightly as she crossed her arms over her chest. "What bullshit? Look, I know you don't want to be here Jasper and quite frankly I'm not exactly thrilled that you are spending the night in my apartment." Though her words were slightly cold, there was a softness and vulnerability in her eyes that lead me to believe otherwise.

"Well it'll just be for this night and then I'll be out of your way, alright? I don't want to talk through anything with you, or have some heartfelt conversation over your current condition. Not right now, because I honestly have no fucking clue how to respond to any of this."

Finished with my mindless rambling I glanced back up at Bella, her shoulders slumped slightly while her brows were pinched together in thought. For a second I thought she was going to start crying, but after a few moments she just shrugged.

"I expected nothing less from you." Her voice was tired, but the hurt didn't go unnoticed.

Without another word she disappeared down the hall for a few minutes, coming back to throw a few blankets and a pillow on the couch before glaring back at me.

"The bathroom is through that door right there," She nodded with her head towards the hallway "I'm going to bed, there's no point in standing out here all night with you trying to even attempt to have a decent conversation with you. So, goodnight Jasper I'll see you in the morning and then you can go back to your life and forget that you ever even saw me."

I stood, slightly dumfounded by the words that had just fallen from her lips. I had to admit, for someone who had claimed to be changing her life around Bella still knew all the buttons to push with me.

I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of know that though. Though I'm sure by the slight shift in my posture she knew something was up. Regardless of the time that had passed between us, the ever present challenge to break the other was still hanging over our heads.

Without another word she left the room, the sound of her door slamming shut a few moments later.

I knew that I was driving myself into an even deeper hole with every comment I made, but I couldn't stop myself from being an asshole even if I tried. Something inside me was always pushing, always wanting to hurt people; especially Bella.

_Always driving away the people who care about your stupid ass_

"Fuck it," Shrugging out of my sweatshirt before kicking off my shoes I grabbed one of the blankets and threw it over the couch. Taking a moment to switch off the lamp I all about collapsed down onto the damn sofa. The weight of everything that had happed over the past few hours was finally hitting me and I could feel my mind spinning once again.

Unfortunately I had taken my last few pills earlier and the rest of them were stashed away in my suitcase at the hotel. It was just my fucking luck.

My heart was pounding and I felt anxious as hell, but the desire to completely fall asleep was quickly winning and before I knew it I was succumbing to that darkness that I always seemed to be craving these days.

I wanted to hope for a calmer day tomorrow, but I had a feeling that this was just the beginning.

I wasn't sure what, but I knew that whatever it was…was going to fuck Bella and I up even more.

* * *

**Leave me thoughts, darlings! I adore you all and thank you for bearing with me!**


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